me, unplugged

first off, i want to state for the record that today is my older sister’s birthday.  sis, if you’re out there reading this, happy birthday, and i hope that the package i sent you arrived safely and intact.

secondly, this is the 12th day of nablopomo, and i’ll be honest here: i’m having a difficult time coming up with material to blog about.  okay, i lied.  i DO have stuff to blog about, but it’s safe to say that my “get up and go” with blogging definitely got up and went.  i really didn’t even want to post anything today, but i’m trying desperately to not let nablopomo become one more thing on the list of Things I Didn’t Finish, that i figured even if i post total shite, i’ll get back in the game eventually (and hopefully sooner rather than later).

scotland is getting colder, and my coffers are growing emptier by the minute.  i’ve tried to find a job here but no one wants to sponsor someone for a work visa unless you’re “highly skilled” and paralegals aren’t exactly “highly skilled” material, if you know what i’m sayin’.  especially true since the legal system over here is probably very different than in the states.  i’m at this real crossroads right now…pay $250 to change my flight back home and start making money (although that’s no guarantee), or wait until my return flight on december 10th and be in the red when i get back.  where’s that lottery win?

in retrospect, i could have planned better for this. but hindsight and all….

i hate worrying about money.  it’s one of the things that i’ve worked very hard to free myself from, and before i came over, i didn’t have to worry about money.  even without having a college degree, i was able to make a pretty decent wage doing a job that i liked, and had a lifestyle that didn’t consist of decisions on whether i should buy beer or toilet paper with my last $5.00.  and for someone who’s not exactly an ambitious sort, i was pretty proud of being financially stable.  (okay, with the occasional splurge on nice dinners and dropping $100 at shake it records here and there.)

but now i’m once again in a situation where i have to figure out what to do, and i’ve been relying on my credit card WAY too much to get me through purchases i felt were necessary.  for the first time in probably 10 years, i have a credit card balance of over $500, and it’s not making me very happy about my financial situation.  i hate, hate, HATE credit cards.  i think they are evil, and after getting rid of the credit card debt i accumulated during my marriage (to a guy who believed credit cards were the answer to everything), you’d have think i learned my lesson.

so anyway, i’m considering a few different paths right now, paths that will lead me towards becoming more financially independent, and down the road towards being free from worrying about finances again.  part of me thinks that i just don’t have the brain for it, or the discipline (because i am nothing if not lazy, hence the “leaving things unfinished” bit).  but i know i’m a pretty smart person, or i wouldn’t have gotten myself to where i was.  if i were a praying woman, i’d be hanging out in churches 24/7 to try to figure this out.  i have the resources to do this, and i know it.

so what’s stopping me?