me, unplugged

i’m currently at my parents’ house and (trying to be patient while) waiting for the rest of the family to arrive so we can open the stacks of presents under the tree. i hear people say that christmas is mostly for the kids, but i say fuck that! i’m pretty much a big kid myself, so i’ll not feel bad about wanting people to get here so we can open presents! also, i’m pretty hungry.

so things went awry with the guy i was seeing. it was mostly me that was doing the running-away-screaming bit, but over the course of three months, i grew pretty fond of him, so it’s more like “walking-away-while-looking-over-my-shoulder” than anything. i’ve been pretty mopey for the last few weeks since i broke things off with him, and yes, it may have been a bit daft of me to do it right before the holidays knowing full well how much more alone i’d feel. *sigh* however, i felt like i was giving more than i was getting out of the relationship, and i find the idea of spending the holidays being with someone i don’t think wants to be with me FAR more depressing than just being alone.

one of the biggest things that i think i’ll miss about him is that, because he had an degree in musical composition (he was a composer), he liked to attend the symphony, musicals, local theater, etc.. not many (straight) guys that i know find those things to be particularly titillating experiences, so it was really nice to attend those events and be with someone who enjoyed them as much as i did.

at the very least though, i feel like i’ve at least “gotten back on the horse,” as he’s the first semi-serious relationship i’ve had in the last two years (which is also probably why i’m so mopey). i don’t want to be single for another two years, so i’ve decided not to lose momentum and get back out there. and perhaps this time, i’ll go about things a bit differently.

so that is what is consuming my life most at the moment. it would be nice to have some stability in the relationship department (whether single or not) so that i could focus my emotional energy elsewhere. i find the whole “finding someone” thing to be so draining that sometimes i’m convinced that i’ve been mostly single these past few years just out of sheer laziness. wow that sounds really lame when i reread it. but there it is. *shrug*

in my defense, my mind HAS been on other things as well…work (going live with new software on monday so it should make the next few weeks VERY interesting), the recent federal tax cut (which is another blog post entirely), the repeal of DADT (it’s about goddamn time) and major changes in particular friends’ and families’ lives. however, people will be arriving in about half hour and i still need to shower. and then…PRESSIES!!! \o/