so the question becomes: do i write a post about the things that have happened in my life in the last year or so? (and by “things” i mean the 5-10 most significant things, as a helluva lot’s happened in the last year or so and i really don’t have that kind of time. sorry.) OR: do i just write a post about something i’ve been pondering?

i think i’ll just do both.

a few big things that have happened in the last year: my sister’s gotten married (finally!). i was the maid of honor and ducked when she threw the bouquet at the reception (i was one of three women on the floor and it was heading straight for me, OKAY?). i lost 50 pounds by eating a helluva lot less and exercising more. i still have about 25 pounds to go before i’ll be satisfied, but holy hell i feel much better about myself and damn, i really missed my figure. i moved out of my now-brother-in-law’s house and right into my own parents’ home. i would like to point out here that it’s fabulous fun telling people that you’re a 30-something living with your parents, and that the main reason is because of student loans you’re paying for a degree that you don’t have. i may be the biggest loser (and not necessarily in the weight sense) on the east side of cincinnati, but i have a job and coworkers that i love, and awesome friends (kate and jenn) who let me crash at theirs when i get too drunk to drive back to B.F.E., so it’s not all bad. said friends also have very cool cats who like to hang out on the spare bed when i stay over, so that’s cool too. (also, to be fair, i’m getting my financials sorted and should hopefully be moved out in the next month or two.)

i decided to try getting back into the dating game last november, and it was a shockingly abysmal failure. objectively speaking i can say that there was probably 20% of it that had to do with me, and the remaining 80% because the guys were, well, douchebags. (no offense to actual douchebags meant.) just one eensy example: one of the guys stood me up and then gave me the excuse that he put on his own facebook wall (we were facebook friends) that he was sick – 5 days before our date – and that i should have gleaned that he wouldn’t be showing up for the date because of that. *facepalm* i did say we were facebook friends, right? so after the third douchebag, i ran screaming for the hills and decided to lie low for awhile. then i met a friend of a friend at a party a few weeks ago (who, i’m happy to report, is NOT a douchebag), and we really hit it off. i certainly didn’t see THAT coming, and i’m pleasantly surprised about it. and that is all i will say about him at this juncture. more info forthcoming if ensuing dates are as successful as the first few. we’ll see.

RIGHT. onto pondering things….

…and dammit, facebook is being all wonky and i can’t get into my facebook messages. one of the things that i wanted to blog about was in a message i got today from lynne. grr.

– one hour later –

nope. still not working. *kicks facebook*

i’m going to bed.

g’night. (or “g’mornin’” for those across the pond.)

most of what i want to write about (and have wanted to write about) are things that i don’t think i’d like to go into on my blog, and i don’t know why really. when i look back at some of the things that i’ve written about, it’s not like i’ve exactly kept silent about my feelings on a particular subject or person. in fact, i usually veer way into the “TMI” category on many things. but perhaps it’s because of the depth of my feelings, or because of my audience, and how what i say will be received or perceived.

i am apathetic about life in general, and at the same time i think i care too much and i am probably over-sensitive right now. so, i’m going to sign off for awhile. hopefully, sometime in the near future things will return to normal.

1) i was working out regularly at the free gym at work when i first started and actually had the time to do so. during the period of time that i worked out (about 3 weeks), i had more energy, i slept much better, my thought processes were much more precise, and i felt happier in general. i stopped mostly because i began working more and later into the evening. clearly, regular exercise needs to become a very high priority for me.

2) i’m a pretty insecure person and sort of a pessimist. i’m not sure if this is a recent development, or something i’m just now noticing (although i’m pretty sure it’s the former). regardless, i don’t like either of these things about myself right now and i need to work on them.

3) the gods were smiling on me and the timing of my job search. i happened to have the qualifications and skills necessary for a job that opened at the exact time that my employer needed them, and the circumstances were such that it’s possible that i may not have gotten the job otherwise. (this is vague, but for various reasons, i can’t go into detail here.)

4) those people that are truly your friends, regardless of how often you talk to them, will always be your friends, and will come through for you when you least expect it.

and that’s all i have for today. come back after i’ve gotten a decent night’s sleep and am perhaps working around 40 hours a week. i may have blogged again by that point.

after getting back to their house and each of us taking much-needed showers, we took naps in preparation for the foam party down at the dock (may want to turn down your speakers for that link). i had never been, but kate and jenn have been telling me about the messy fun that ensues at the foam parties for several years, so i was looking forward to it. after waking up from naps, i was simply not feeling it. mostly, i was exhausted from the day, even after a nap, and didn’t think i was up for it. however, after some food, i was feeling better about shakin’ my groove thang in a giant dance floor filled with foam. then as luck would have it, kate started feeling not-so-great, so we ended up going back to their house and all passed out watching “a mighty wind” (also a great movie, don’t let the fact that we fell asleep watching it tell you otherwise). we had each only had one beer at dinner, so apparently, painting a house in 80-degree humidity for 8 hours can really take your energy levels down a notch. or ten.

this weekend was cincinnati gay pride weekend, and today was the pride parade. we had been invited to a big party in one of the many beautiful old homes on ludlow (on the parade route) with free food and an open bar. (woo!) i signed up for, and made a donation to, the human rights campaign, who had a table set up in the house, to lessen my guilty feelings about drinking alcohol that i didn’t pay for. (apparently i’m still in the process of shedding my deep-seated catholic guilt complex.) (but to my credit, i intended to sign up for HRC anyway.)

the parade was fantastic, and i got a lot of awesome photos…with kate’s camera. (unfortunately, i forgot to get them from her, so i can’t post them here.) suitably buzzed, we headed down to the festival in northside to perhaps have another drink or three with some friends we met up with at the party. we walked around for about 15 minutes before the sky broke open and it started pissing it down. we escaped to one of the tents set up for city beat, where dylan (who also moonlights as the lead vocalist for local band buckra) welcomed us and asked if we wanted to sign up for a drawing for a $100 gift card for area restaurants. we figured he was gracefully allowing us to squat under his tent, so we signed up. then…after already being soaked, the water got too heavy in the top of the tent, and it broke on top of us, waterlogging us even more than we already were. luckily, no one was hurt. and actually, it was pretty funny. (i laughed, anyway.)

what was most remarkable (and wonderful) about the event, at least for me, was seeing so many gay couples openly showing affection to each other. i had to remind myself that we were in a Safe Zone – and god, how i wish that the entire country were a Safe Zone. (hell, i’ll just take cincinnati when you get right down to it.) sometimes when i see gay couples showing affection in public, i worry, because i know that there are still a lot of people who aren’t as accepting of gay people. especially with the recent hate crime, i just want my friends to be careful because i don’t want anything bad to happen to them because of some Intolerant Asshole.

one really encouraging thing i’ve noticed in recent past, and more evident today, though, is the growing recognition of the bisexual population within the LBGTQ community. from my personal experience, being bisexual can be, well, marginalizing. even though i’d place myself at about a 1.5 on the kinsey scale, and mostly date men, i still self-identify as bisexual. i’d wager that when you say the word “bisexual,” most people tend to think purely in sexual terms, meaning “will have sex with anyone regardless of gender.” while for some bisexuals this might be the case, there are also some of us who are attracted to people of any gender identity, and can emotionally and sexually connect with them as well. some people think that we’re “confused” (indeed, my gynecologist once told me as much during my annual exam one year when i was dating a man, when the year previously i was seeing a woman), lesbians we date fear that we will leave them for a man, men we date think we’ll leave them for a woman, and most straight men think it’s “huh-huh HAWT huh-huh.” bleh.

i think that as we learn more about human sexuality, and the many variances in gender, gender identification and sexual orientation, the more that people are understanding of the fluidity of our natures and that some people’s (and perhaps all people’s) sexual identity is not written in stone. and maybe once we can all grasp and accept that concept, then the entire world can be a Safe Zone.

(n.b. okay, i’ve gotten one nasty-gram, but grant me this small delusion of pretending my blog is more popular than it is. to his credit, my friend’s one nasty-gram counts for at least three. especially since my blog domain is hosted on his server, and he extended it for 2 more years, so there’s this whole little “obligation” thing going on.)

at any rate, i’ve come out of training and actually started my job, and me and the rest of my brand-spanking-new department have apparently been kicking some serious ass at our jobs, even for as new as we are. we’ve already received a slew of compliments in the short time we’ve been around. kinda makes you feel like you’re doing something right, you know?

i’ve managed to get a fair amount of things accomplished in the last couple of weeks other than work, though. for instance, i’ve had sushi, had a curry (or three), kicked some zombie ass in resident evil 5, played with cats, got invited to my friend’s wedding in lebanon next year (!), searched for an apartment, made a new friend, saw an afro-beat band, bought the new metric album (and now love it), and got hit on by a straight man at a gay bar. (yeah, i’m surprised at that last one, too. but it’s flattering nonetheless.)

so yes, i’ve been busy. my next goal? finding a date for a wedding in beirut. this should be good.

also, i know that some of my friends will disagree with my choices. if you feel the need to add your rage and ire to my comments section, bring it!

4 things i think are overrated:

family guy

dave matthews band

mushrooms

the twilight series

this spurned my curiousity, so i just looked and i also share my may 2nd birthday with david beckham, dwayne johnson (“the rock”) and lesley gore. yeah, better angels. also? jenna von oy and i are exactly the same age. if you’ll recall, she was blossom’s quirky and overly-chatty friend named “six.” i’m pretty sure that we can draw an obvious conclusion here: at some point in my lifetime, i will be BFFs with an overachieving neuroscientist with a penchant for silly hats with large flowers on them.